Saturday, July 7, 2012

Putting Pain Into Words

I'm quite blessed with a good children and a wonderful husband. I have genuine friends and a joyful life. Summer times are lazy with sleeping in and my children home with me. You'd imagine that my life was SO perfect. But, deep down inside my mind though...I have a open wound. It's so very painful that I'm scared to share it with anyone. Whom can I trust with this burden?

A few months ago, I found out that "someone close to me"- was suffering from emotional pain with their family. I was on the phone for hours with them-day and night. When they asked me to help, I drove to this person's home to protect them. We have known each other our whole lives and know every secret there is to tell. I didn't know that this person had endured too much, for so long. Some things cannot be changed without the hand of the Lord and a step in the right direction. I stayed for a week with my friend-in a new location. I kept watch at night for our safety, missed my daughter's 15th b-day, and really held a vigil till things would improve. The pressure was on for life to return to normal...from both families. We finally 'broke camp' and went our own ways.

I'm home now-without any contact from this family. It is one of the hardest tests of my life to handle. My prayers are for this friend's happiness and safety. There are no daily phonecalls to reassure me of improvement. I rely on others to pass on a few words here and there. In order to preserve a little peace, I walked away.

I'm inflicted with the thoughts of maybe I've also offended this friend.

I am NO angel and have given free advice that sometimes sounded harsh. I would never want a whole family unit to fall apart and I would never tell someone to turn their back and run. There are moments that I'd advise 'setting the right example', 'stop pretending that all is well' and stand up for yourself!!! Counseling is the best sometimes for letting words freely flow.

They say that TIME heals all wounds. I'm literally testing that theory each moment of the day. I have my daughter to lean on. She holds my hand and comforts me when I cry. I'm not good with being patient-my own family knows this too well. I'm grateful for the gift of forgiveness...and hope that someone will let me have my friendship back one day. Till then, I'll let YOU know that I'm counting the seconds. Dang-this is hard! :(


LeAnn said...

It is so interesting today that many of the posts I have been reading have hit my heart hard. I too struggle with many of your same thoughts. We are serving an Inner City Mission and just today I had a very distrubing talk with one of the sisters I work with. I love her but I don't know how to help her.
Hang in there and put your friend's name on the temple prayer roll and fast and pray for them. I am going to do this for her. I also have some family struggles right now with a reunion with our children and their some rough feelings among my children; so I am really praying on this one.
Sending hugs to you and I do think that time will heal and that Christ can heal this relationship too; when the time is right.

Jenny Lynn said...

This post has hit a raw nerve. My favorite line that sticks in my heart and is something I think of all the time is..."Whom can I trust wit this burden?" I have tried to trust my bishop, extended family to no avail. So, for now I pray like crazy everyday, fast, put names in the temple when I can't take it anymore. Set it aside, smile and hope with all my heart that God will heal my heart and show me the way I must go. There are moments of sweet comfort that I get from reading my scriptures and sometimes little reminders that this is a test of my faith.