Busy Times...

If your looking for me...I'll be in the back of my closet, looking for my flip-flops!

Good Fortune Cookies!

My hubby and I took our kids out for dinner at an Asian Buffet last night. We were all so happy to fill our tummies with noodles, shrimp and orange chicken:) After we all ate...the waitress brought the usual fortune cookies out with the bill. My kids were all smiles and we took turns reading them outloud. Here's the actual words and reason we had to laugh:

Hubby's: "You will step on the soil of many countries". Cool-we just were talking about coming home from picking up our missionary in Switzerland almost one year ago (January).

Mine: "You will soon receive help from an unexpected source". *Tonight this was actually true. I was out visiting teaching and my R.S. Prez kept us from being chased by a dog in the neighborhood:)

Nascar: "The strengths in your character will bring you serenity". We laughed because he has been an emotional wreck all week (Ornery), but the moment we fed him Chinese food:...he was calm and kind.

Chabs: "The respect of influential people will soon be yours". We smiled because she just got called into the Beehive-Young Women's class presidency.

Who knew these words could mean so much?

Starwars: This little six yr. old has just learned how to "sound-out" words, but still struggles to read the whole word quickly. His said, "Treat yourself to a good book for a needed rest and escape". That was funny! 

*Nascar uploaded some funny pictures to end this...his eye-ball:

He has gorgeous green hazel eyes (tired ones too)

And my "old tired eyes"...and yes I need my brows done soon:)

Good Night!

So NOT True...but funny!

Marital Bliss

My sister in-law sent me an awesome email today-thought I'd share them with you too:)

Are You Ready for Children?

Are You Ready for Children?

Mess Test: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Toy Test: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego's. (If Lego's are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.)

Grocery Store Test: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

Dressing Test: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

Feeding Test: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

Night Test: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 - 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

Physical Test (Women): Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.

Physical Test (Men): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

Final Assignment: Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

THE GRANDMOTHER OF ALL BLONDE JOKES

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

 While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

 Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she if OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

 He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said....

 You'll love this!

"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."

Eugene the Librarian:)

I think you might like this guy...very sweet talent!

Twilight Spoof

Nascar made a movie for his English class. His buddies joined him in mocking this "chick-flick". They did an amazing job of making me laugh my guts out!!! Hilarious:)

American Dressing

"I don't think America will have really made it until we have our own salad dressing. Until then we're stuck behind the French, Italians, Russians and Caesarians". ~Pat McNelis

Comedy Central

Josh Blue is really funny! A few cuss words, but nothing too serious to cringe over. Better than thinking about the economy or paying the bills these days:D

Extreme Ironing

*This is for my cousin, Amy...who irons EVERYTHING:)

Computer Hacking

*This is my new favorite cartoon!!

Kids and Church

More great jokes from my favorite senior jokes web-page:

3-year-old, Reese: "Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen."

A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."

I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime. She would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail. Amen."

One particular four-year-old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

A Sunday school teacher asked her children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church? One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. "See those men standing by the door? They're hushers."

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"

A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the on asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

Make me Laugh!

My eighteen yr. old has a favorite show these days. When he's not working at the pizza place or hanging out with his girlfriend, he's on the couch watching this funny show. I've blocked most PG-13 shows downstairs, so this show is family oriented. When we were recovering from the longboard crash months ago-this is how we bonded :) Just me and my bandaged kid on the couch-laughing our guts out! I was surprised at how cute this little family was.

Big Smile

Good Fairy Grants Wish

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day, a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple, she would grant each of them a very special wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline and cruise tickets in her hand.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger ... Whoosh! Immediately he turned ninety.

Gotta love that fairy!!

Mary Tong- You Win!!!

Mary....I've decided to award you with The Funniest Blog Award!!! I made this for YOU! You crack me up-EVERY DAY!

Thanks for the laughs!

Need a Good Laugh?

Exercise

Exercise

It is well documented that for every minute you exercise, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, when you're 85, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5,000 per month.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where she is.

The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

And last but not least:

I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

Swiss Yodel

Wow! I love this show and the girl's voice is incredible! Your mouth will fall open :)